i know typing this out is making me feel like a jerk.

i had no intention of hurting you. hurt your feelings. but if i would have continued wouldn't that be lying to myself and lying to you.

as days, months,years go on. i find my self or us attached to each other.

our life is universe apart. you have gotten almost the best deals in life. good family. good friends. anything you want you name it.

my life has been covered or rather blocked by a big forcefield ever since i was born. believe me when i say this.

i took upon making the decision my self. as i do not want you to feel what i felt. during the tour of my life. like i said. we are worlds apart.

i appreciated all your help and commitment towards me. after all those times.

its not because i had another girlfriend or anything like that. i just want you live your life as it is.pampered loved and showered with all the things you want.

i am nothing and i am hopeless

Dropped off your keys last night

The front door still unpainted.
You were polite like ice,
I, once could met it.
You took our pictures down,
And you left them on the ground 
Its like you wiped all the memories,

its the start of 2010.

well a good start. but aint a smooth one.

January 13th 2010 i thought was the best day of my life...

getting to see family and friends after 6 months of hardship.

but

as January 13th 2010 Sun started to fate to night.

i was hit. with a lightning bolt. a news that 1 son or brother wouldn't want to hear.

well. as the news kept playing in my mind..

i told my self to enjoy what ever is left.

as the deadline approaches fer me to return back to somebody else country

i prayed. that life of sorrows will end...and i was hoping things would change

but i was wrong.

what had struck me in january. is striking me harder then before.

harder then the month then i first step foot on this country tat i was selected to serve.

lines were drawn. better ones up..middle one center..lower ones. 1 corner. waiting for their time

things has started to change... ever since.

ego has started to take place.

lesson learnt. do not trust any body.. especially the ones u have help n who u call brothers

knife will just poke u from the back with sneak attacks.

main point is..do not trust anybody.

maybe mom was right.

i shud think of my self. b4 i think for others.

put myself first before others.

its been tough. it always has. maybe wad i did in the past which i didnt realise: might have made karma takes its place now...

all the while...i have been patient..

maybe.

i wasnt patient enough.

tinking back in the past...wad if i had chosen the hard life..instead of the easy life.

would tat change tings?

i never wanted tis...i never did...but its just written in the books tat god wrote fer us...

maybe tis is jus another chapter of life which may suck but fun for others.

its been said.

sometimes when u really down n got no one to talked too...u feel like tomoro the world is gonna end.

but. if tomoro is gonna end.....if its starts back. would u do the same ting all over again? n re-live back all the sorrows. misery. dissapointments?

sometings we used to or have been taking for granted....

the sorrows. misery.dissapointments.

only 1 very special pillar will stand by your side...n have been there since u ferst step on this place called earth.

FAMILY.

when everyting falls....

new things arises...

it shud'nt have

it shud'nt be..

Even married couple were once strangers.